HOW TO STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR GOOD
Today I'm taking a deep dive into a topic that NEEDS some attention, grab your favorite warm bevy, a pen and paper to jot some notes and here we go!
Have you made a new year’s resolution and you find yourself making excuses to do everything BUT what will take you to your end goal? It could be anything: improve your fitness, lose weight, eat better or listen to your gut. It’s human nature to distract ourselves when we have a busy life with work, family and friends. It’s time to stop procrastinating.
2024 will be the year of achievements, not excuses.
The Truth Behind Why We Make Excuses
As humans, we are really good at excusing ourselves from doing the things that feel hard. Ever see that commercial from what I think was Herbal Essence, the lady was asked to dinner and she said no she had to “go shampoo her hair”... your excuse might not be that silly but you sure will look to find one if the thing you are needing to do is new, hard or unfamiliar.
It's not always that you don't want to put in the effort, although sometimes it absolutely is as most of you are walking around just. Plain. Exhausted.
However, it's also because our brains are wired to like comfort.
Now please don't go start using that excuse. While it's a fact that our brains, when overused especially, will look for the 'easier' choice in order to save mental energy, it doesn't mean we should listen.
Psychologists claim that our excuses come from a place of self-protection. We do not like the discomfort of failure or even the possibility of it. So we will take the easy way out to avoid the feeling. Say, you resolved to start going for a run every Saturday morning - you may start off well, you go a couple of weeks in a row but then you skip the third, fourth….fifth….
It could be a subconscious decision to protect yourself from the shame of failing at something difficult, or it could be that you were overtaken by three other runners on that second day. Chances are, your reasoning for abandoning the running schedule won’t be that you’re afraid of failure, it will be ‘it was too cold out’, ‘I got blisters’ or ‘I’m too busy on Saturdays’.
Excuse making is a habit, which I work on a lot with clients. Making new habits stick is a challenge but is such a worthwhile foundation for every aspect of life. If approached properly, these habits will become second nature.
Perhaps you have tried on your own and each time you last a little longer or overcome a different wall of excuses, but still nothing is sticking? You should get in touch with us to see how we can help, the first step is the hardest so this call is complementary, what have you got to lose?
“How to Convince Yourself to Do Hard Things”
There's a great article from the Harvard Business Review website titled "How to Convince Yourself to Do Hard Things", I'll link it here in case you want to read it, and they talk about a concept called expediency bias which revolves around the concept of doing the thing that feels right in the moment without evaluating all the variable outcomes from that decision. It goes on to talk about why we do this and it says "the brain does this because it’s much easier to process existing ideas than new ones".
Our human nature, in combination with our current busy lifestyle, double team us to make a decision that feels more comfortable and in turn steers us away from things that make us feel uncomfortable or that seem hard. Our brains will literally tag something we don't know, new, or different from our normal, as bad simply because it’s...effort.
Ultimately, when you make the easy decision, you are sticking to what you know. But humans are curious beings, we thrive on discovery. So by doing the harder thing, you are not just optimizing your body, you are feeding your brain for growth and happiness.
However, what can happen when facing a decision to do the 'new' thing, our brain will go back to its default settings, ESPECIALLY if we are too mentally fatigued. For example, imagine you are in the grocery store after a 9-hour day at work, you haven’t slept great the night before and you’re rushing to get back to cook and have some down time. You want to stick to your new goal and prep balanced food for the week but the list is slightly longer with ingredients you would have to search for along the aisles. An easier option would be to revert back to your usual items that you could find with your eyes closed… What would you do?
But imagine that you made time to go to the store on Sunday morning, maybe even combining it with a wander round the farmer’s market with a friend and a good coffee. You will be awake, relaxed and the experience would be more enjoyable. In this instance, would you opt for the new list or the old?
Putting yourself in positions to avoid making excuses it important, bare that in mind when running through these steps below!
6 Steps to Stop Making Excuses
So, how do we do hard things when our brains are constantly telling us to avoid effort?
Do them earlier in the week and earlier in the day. Even better, when you are well rested.
Try when you're in a good mood. In that article I mentioned above, they mention a 2016 study that found when people are upset, they’re less likely to try to do hard things.
Notice how you are perceiving the task, is it REALLY that much effort? How could you make it appear easier?
Remind yourself what's on the other side of the task at hand, is it a better feeling, one step closer to a bigger goal, confidence from your decision to follow through on your word?
Take away choice. Remember if our default brain likes easy, you already know what option it will pick if it's given a choice.
Utilize a form of accountability like a friend, coach or group. (We've got one that might be a great fit - The SheStrong Community full of like-minded women offering support)
Check out my blog post, The Simple Secret to Making Behavior Change Easy, for more tips.
You can do hard things!
Consider your resolution or your goals. First, look at whether they are achievable in your current lifestyle, if yes, follow the steps above. If no, find where you can make changes to your lifestyle before you jump into the 6 steps to avoid making excuses.
REMEMBER, hard things, when practiced only get EASIER! Don't stop now, if you're uncomfortable, if your efforts have 'failed' you, great, you are learning what doesn't work which will only bring you closer to what DOES. Find a new strategy and try again.
And if you need more support, reach out, we'd be glad to talk strategy and help you align next best steps.